Wednesday, March 23, 2011

God Will Provide

My how time flies! It was 6 months ago today that Jon Thomas made his big arrival into this crazy world. He has brought so much joy to our family, and I absolutely could not imagine our lives without him. He is our "miracle" baby. For those of you that don't know, I Found out on October 8, 2009 that the baby I was carrying was not a viable pregnancy. I was absolutely devastated-it had already taken us almost a year to conceive this child. Then, one week later, my grandfather passed away. I was still going for blood work every other day, and after a trip to Gatlinburg to take a break from the blood work, my labs showed my levels had actually doubled meaning the baby was still growing, however, it wasn't growing where it should be-it was in my Fallopian tube. My wonderful doctor knew we wanted more children and were already having a difficult time conceiving that he made the decision to do a form of chemotherapy known as methotrexate instead of removing my tube. It was not guaranteed to work, but he wanted to give it a shot. Part of this treatment was you could not try to conceive until all the methotrexate was completely out of your system. I don't want to say I sunk into Depression, but I definitely was not me for the next few months. I grieved more than I thought was possible for a child I never even saw. One of my best friends had a baby a few days before Christmas and it took me one month to even see the baby. I have never hurt like that before, and as I sit here typing this, all the same emotions and tears are coming back. Then, in February, I went to the doctor to see if it was ok to start trying again. I was so ready to move forward and get my old self back. They did a sonogram to make sure everything looked ok, and I was completely shocked when they told me I was 6 weeks pregnant. Certain things have to happen for someone to get pregnant and those things never happened. I was 100 percent sure that God has placed that baby there because there is no other explanation for it. What came next was just as shocking-the due date was October 8, 2010. That's the same day I found out I was miscarrying the year before. God had suddenly replaced what would have been a day of mourning for me with a day of new life. God must have really big plans for Jon Thomas!

Tonight, I told Brother that when I was pregnant with Jon Thomas, I worried I wouldn't love him as much as rollins and Grady because I just didn't know how I could find that much more love inside of me. I am absolutely amazed now, by the depth of my love for that sweet little boy. There are not words to describe just how much I love him. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's God will provide.

On another note, Brother and I were eating at KFC today, and I wAs feeding Jon Thomas mashed potatos on my finger, and I felt something on his gum-it was his first tooth! I think I got more excited about that than rollins and grady's first tooth. That's the little nub on the left side.

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